I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize