its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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