i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
