I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
