Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
