Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
