oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
