im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
