remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
time to smoke my breakfast
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
