ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
