Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dick very happy bro
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
