Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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