Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
