nut hugger
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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