Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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