You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
