so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
