I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
