We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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