Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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