I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and i looked up. we had an audience...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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