I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the liver wants what the liver wants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
