If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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