Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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