God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
