No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
