know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
