singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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