Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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