...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
