I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
