therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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