Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
