Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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