This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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