I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
