Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
