you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
