So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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