I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
