we have officially lost it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
