Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love you.
Bad choice
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