I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
