You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
