On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
