my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
