i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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