He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
