I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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