I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
