Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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